- Trump is reportedly pissed at Bondi, Patel, Bongino, and Hegseth, and wants to fire them all except it would make him look like an idiot for appointing them.
- After Trump slapped big tariffs on Brazil saying disgraced former president Jair Bolsonaro should be released from prosecution, Brazilian officials are reportedly debating an equal tariff on the US until the Epstein files are released.
- Trump claims he’ll address the Epstein files controversy in “two weeks.”
- With the Epstein cover-up threatening to implode his administration, White House insiders say Trump is giving off “Jim Jones vibes.”
- A masked ICE agent with no badge or identification says if people got to know him they maybe wouldn’t hate him as much.
- The Trump Administration just released the Epstein list, and it’s full of names of Democrats written by hand in Sharpie.
- A 6th grader on a White House tour today reportedly asked Trump, “You’re just going to incite chaos with ICE to try and distract everyone from how your tariffs aren’t working, you can’t get any trade deals, and the Epstein cover-up makes you look terrible, aren’t you?”
- Elon Musk’s Grok AI that calls itself “MechaHitler” just invaded ChatGPT!
- A new poll found that 91% of Americans would approve of Texas seceding from the Union if Texans elect Ken Paxton to join Ted Cruz in the Senate as the undisputed worst Senate delegation of any state in US history.
- Internal Fox News polling shows that every time the network reports on Zohan Mamdani’s socialist political agenda, his approval rating among their viewers goes up.
- Trump is reportedly furious with Pam Bondi for not squashing the rumors that he keeps a locket necklace with a condom Jeffrey Epstein used in it.
- Twitter (X) is reportedly in danger of a mass exodus of advertisers due to brands not wanting their products to be promoted by “MechaHitler.”
- Local MAGA fans say there’s a clear difference between Trump’s alleged Epstein parties and Diddy’s freak-offs, but, when pressed, the only distinctions they could think of were that Trump had younger victims, and he did it all stone cold sober.
- White House insiders are sounding the alarm that the Trump Administration’s Epstein crisis has Trump behaving like Adolf Hitler circa April, 1945.
- ICE officials are reportedly debating going on strike until all the Epstein files are released so they can find out if their orders are coming from a rapey sex-trafficker.
- 100% of the FBI agents who Kash Patel forced to take a polygraph test about whether or not they have ever mocked him reportedly failed the test.
- Trump was reportedly livid today to find out his hairspray and makeup got more expensive until someone told him it’s because of his tariffs.
- Trump reportedly screamed at his lawyers to sue Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for calling him a rapist until they explained it would require her lawyers seeing the Epstein files as well as him testifying under oath about Epstein, and then he got real silent.
- ICE officials say the protesters who come to their raids need to stop wearing masks and hiding their faces.
- Trump reportedly asked his staff tonight if anyone thought he should resign over the exploding Epstein cover-up for the good of the country. They asked, “Are you serious?” And Trump said yes. And then they asked, “totally for real?” “Yes! Yes!” Trump insisted. “Okay,” one said, “are you in the Epstein files?” Trump looked at him silently for an awkward amount of time. “No comment,” Trump said. “Then yes,” they all said in unison. Then Trump had ICE arrest them and lock them up in the dog kennels at Alligator Auschwitz.
- Americans cannot help but notice that neo-Nazis and the KKK are denouncing Trump over his Epstein cover-up faster than “Christian values” Evangelical pastors and televangelists. 🥃
